Entering from a silent white world, the warmth of home wraps itself around me. Instantly I am in a race with my internal thermometer to remove all the excess clothing that was necessary for a walk on this stunningly beautiful snowflake decorated evening. Successfully disrobed down to a thin layer, I shuffle through the kitchen. Stopping midway I am overtaken by a tantalizing fragrance.
Genetics had gifted her with a smile that could electrify the room. I had personally seen the atmosphere of a room alter when she arrived with that genuine smile. Her eyes were part of the deal. She could make you feel seen across a room full of people. It was a gift that she used daily in our workplace.
Finding itself loosed from the long imprisoned cage deep inside of my being, raw fear made its way slowing up to my heart. It perched like a gargoyle above a city taunting me to look at it. I knew just one glance would give it permission to enter and destroy the peace that reigned in my heart and mind.
Caught in an emotional hurricane, I could feel the intensity of this battle increasing by each text message that arrived. Here are a few of them, “You should’ve never created me.” Seconds later, “I want to die.” Moments after that, “I’ll be dead before the day is over anyways.”