Demotion, Tornados, and Truth
3:47pm! Unplugging the last of the white Christmas lights, I head to the library door. My arms are full and I am struggling with my car keys. Stepping out into the hall, I hear a familiar voice explode, "Hello, Mrs. O!" I freeze. Looking at this young man standing in front of me, I know the voice but I don't recognize the face. We stand in awkward silence. Then, like a lightning bug that comes out of nowhere at dusk, his name makes its way onto my tongue. "Matthew!" His smile could light up Safeco Field.
Small talk is exchanged for several minutes. Quite unexpectedly he pauses, fidgets and then seems to summons courage from deep inside. He audibly inhales; fixes his eyes on mine; and lets loose with a barrage of questions, "Why did you leave teaching and become the librarian? You changed my life and the lives of so many students. Did someone make you leave? Did something happen?" His words hit me like a machine gun. I am momentarily speechless.
Maybe this wouldn't have put me in a spin, but this is the third student that has come back to visit me this week. Each one asking similar questions. Their perception is that being a librarian/media specialist is NOT being a teacher. In fact, a couple of them even voiced that they thought it was a "demotion". In years past, I would've defended my choice. I LOVE words; books; and igniting a passion for reading, as well as writing, in students. Four years ago, I thought moving to the library would give me that opportunity. It would give me a wider audience. In the beginning it did. Unfortunately, now I only get to spend about 20% of my day enjoying reading and books with kids and the rest is taken up with "other" tasks.
6:06pm! Darkness has enveloped the land that I am standing on. My thoughts are swirling and colliding like that of the inner vortex of a freshly spawned tornado.
As I journey through this evening, I can not seem to settle. The reality is the interior spinning speed is picking up. Normally, these types of comments roll off of me. Unable to settle down and focus on creating, I finally run the white flag up and surrender for the night. The safety of my bed is beckoning me.
Before dawn even spatters the sky, I am pulled upright. The peace and safety of my sleep has pulled a Houdini. My heart is beating faster than a hummingbirds. Steadying my breathing, I become aware that truth is pouring out of my being in a quiet whisper. Like a cup of warm chia on a chilly night, the words that have embedded themselves into my being over the years from my leather-bound book, bring a comforting warmth and much needed answers to the destructive tornado that has spawned. As they come pouring out of my mind and across my lips, peace starts to descend. "Plank-Eyed Girl, you bring me joy. Before you were even born, I knew you because I thought you up and created you. Every moment of your life, I have laid out.
Nothing has escaped me. I am arranging your journey according to my purposes for your life. There is no where you find yourself that I have not orchestrated and allowed. Plank-Eyed Girl, you make good plans, but I have something so much better for you. I AM GUIDING YOUR FEET! You can trust me, I am reliable."
These words are stringing together like beautiful , peaceful, sparkly white Christmas lights . They are wrapping themselves around me like I am a Christmas tree. They bring an assurance that I am exactly where He has chosen for me, in the library as a librarian, writer, and speaker. My soul breathes deeply and a calmness wraps itself around me, like an extra soft fuzzy blanket.
May you find yourself wrapped in a extra cozy soft blanket of His presence. May you know that He has orchestrated plans for you that are far better than what you could dream up. Let the truth of His words wash over you during this holiday season.
Until We Chat Again,
The Plank-Eyed Girl
Prov. 16:9 We can make our plans, but the lord determines our steps.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Ps. 139:16 You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.